My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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