So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
