we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
