So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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