Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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