dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
