Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
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