im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
