I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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