like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
