3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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