hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
