We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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