How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
