I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My ATM looks so different sober.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
