at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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