I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
