She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
