Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top