it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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