It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize