McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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