well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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