This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
