"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
