once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
