it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
