Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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