I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
