Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
