he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
