he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
