What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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