it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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