Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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