This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
