Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My dick has a subreddit
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
