I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
