note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
