Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
