Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need a beard to bite.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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