Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The air was thick with penises
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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