so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
