Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
