i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
