I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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