he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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