This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
