The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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