Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
