My sheets look like a crime scene.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
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it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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