Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
