Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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