there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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