I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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