Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
