i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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