i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
