Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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