I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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